The Way it is
by Superwholove92
Summary: What if someone confront Sam/Dean on their identity theft? What if that guy was an awful person, with a beautiful and mysterious girlfriend? Mature content. Contains abuse, self-harm, possible future sex scenes. who knows :D
1. Chapter 1

**The Way it is**

 **What if someone confronted dean/sam on their identity theft? What if the guy they chose to impersonate wasn't such a great person. This summary sucks, but I've always wondered about what would happen. So just go a long with it or don't. I can't make you do anything J**

 **I also don't own supernatural or any of the beautiful characters that are a part of it.**

Chapter 1

Dean's POV

I need to blow off some steam. We still cannot find out dad and Sam isn't dealing. I knew that the whole Jess thing was really weighing on him, but what am I supposed to do? Sam refuses to talk about it and he refuses to acknowledge the fact that we both know he isn't sleeping well. When Sam is ready he'll come talk to..

"oh sorry excuse me sir" said the small girl he had walked right into, interrupting his internal rant on Sam.

"No problem, hey where is the nearest bar?" I replied.

She pointed in a direction and then just kept walking. I followed her point and a few blocks later I was standing in front John's Bar and Grill. I walked in and found a good seat at the bar and the tall bartender walked up to me.

"What can I get you sir" the bartender asked.

"A whiskey straight" I grunted.

"I'm gonna need to see some ID sir" the stupid bartender asked.

"Are you fucking kidding me, I am clearly of age" I scoffed.

The idiot in front of me babbled on a fake apology "I'm sorry sir, my boss got busted last week and is riding my ass to make sure I check every ID."

I ripped out my wallet and he looked at my ID, then back at me. I must be more tired than I thought because he looked pissed. The same small girl from earlier rushes in, apologizing about taking so long, and hurries into the back with the bartender. They both come out and she sits next to me.

"Hello again" she cheerfully says while leaning over and touching my thigh.

"Why hello, my name is Andy, how about yourself?"

"Oh I am Clarissa, it is a pleasure to meet you." She leans in real close and whispers "how about we get out of here and go to my place?" I look at her a little taken aback by how straight forward she is, but I grab her hand and lead her out of the bar.

"Okay, where to?" She climbs into a nice white truck, while I jump in the passenger seat.

We pull up to her place after an electrifyingly quiet drive. We both climb out and her lips attack mine and she is aggressively pushing me towards the house. We break as she unlocks the door and steps into the room. After a quick glance I see pictures of her and the bartender all around the house.

"What the fuck is this? Are you guys dating?" I ask angrily.

Her whole posture changes, she is not the same aggressive and confident girl I just saw, but the same small one I ran into on my way to the bar.

"Ok" She huffs "you have to promise you won't get mad." I nod at her, waiting for her to continue. "My name really is Clarissa and my fiancé's name is Andy, apparently you are using his ID. Which is good in a way because now he won't be pissed thinking that I am spending money on motel rooms. He wanted me to lure you back here so he could talk to you, but he doesn't deal with anger well, believe me when I tell you that."

I take a few seconds to really absorb what I just heard. After taking another glance at the girl I can see that she is dressed in a lot of layers and scarf, even though it's hot outside and I can't help but wonder if she does indeed know how badly he deals with anger.

"Do you need help?" I ask, while walking towards her.

"No of course not" she stammers back, but I can see that she does.

"What time does he get off?"

She shrugs her shoulders and says "I think in a few hours."

Now I am confused, why would he send her home with me right away and not be here for a few hours. "Were we not about to have sex?" I ask.

"Um…no we were, Andy wanted to make sure you were weak before actually dealing with you." She responded nonchalantly.

"Clarissa, I am going to call my brother and he is going to come pick me up. Let's just forget this ever happened ok?" She nods fearfully, biting back tears. I continue "I am going to give you a card with my phone number on it, if you need help call me and we'll be here." I finish while walking outside the door.

I called Sam asking him to come pick me up asap, we get back to the room and start packing all of our stuff. After getting in the impala Sam looks at me confused

"Wait so this guy was going to let you sleep with his girl, just to get you all distracted and then what? Beat the shit out of you?"

"Man I have no idea, she seems scared. But they're committed and maybe I just misread the situation. Let's just go to the next town over and use your ID the check into a motel room then we can just wait for a bit to see if she calls for help."

Sam looked at me questioningly "Sure man whatever you say. We pull up to a new motel and both go to sleep. Laying down and staring up at the ceiling I cannot imagine why anyone would deal with a guy who is ok with shelling out his girl like that.

Clarissa POV

Ugh, I am such an idiot. Andy is going to kill me. Why did I let him walk out the door, why did I give any hints about what was going on here? Why did I not fucking ask to go with him? Why am I that girl who is stupid enough to stay in this shitty relationship? We've been together for eight years, six of which he has been completely ok with hitting me. I walk over to the mirror and look at myself. I use to be so bubbly. I use to glow with energy and health. Now I am skinny, my brown hair is dull, and I have scars all over my body. I am only 25, yet here I am already ruining my life. I still have a few hours to kill, I go and grab my retainer case, where I keep my razor blades. Picking one up I just stare at it for a few seconds. Why do I do this? I am hurt constantly, why must I hurt myself? Why is this the only thing that makes me feel better? I bring it to the top of my arm and make a few cuts horizontally. I can already feel myself relaxing and my headache dulling as the blood drips down my arm. *SLAM* Shit. How long have I been in here? I try to clean everything up and shove my jacket back on when I hear Andy coming up the stairs.

"Where the fuck is he" he yells.

"I'm so sorry, he just…he just left, he saw the pictures all over the wall figured I was cheating or something was up and he just bolted." Looking at Andy I know that he knows I'm lying. I never could get away with lying to him and suddenly he is on top of me.

"Get off of me Andy!" I scream back and he just slaps me across the face.

"You let him get away, I bet you even told him exactly what I was doing." He gets confirmation from my guilty expression and wraps his hands around my neck. "God clarissa why can't you just do what I fucking say, just one time? You always have to make my life so difficult. If you just followed my simple directions I wouldn't have to do these stupid things." He rambled on as I slowly drifted into unconsciousness.

I woke up to the sound of rain hitting the windows and I look around grabbing my stomach because it hurts so bad. Andy is nowhere in sight. I go downstairs and still no sign of him. All I see in the drive way is his bike, but the truck is gone. I run to the bathroom to access myself for damages. OK obvious bruising around my throat and some swelling on my cheek. That's not so bad, I've definitely had worse. I feel the cuts on my arm and a throb on my stomach, but I don't even remember him hitting my there. He must have done that to me while I was unconscious I reasoned. Lifting my shirt up as soft as I can I gasp at the sight before me, bruising from my ribs down to my hips? How could I not have woken up to this? Should I go to a doctor? I could have internal damage. How long have I been out? The sky is starting to light up again so it must be morning time. That would explain why Andy is not here, he went to his construction job. Of course he took the truck, he knows I can't drive that stupid motorcycle. I reach in my pocket and grab the card. I should call him. Maybe he can help me. Maybe I can finally make a difference in my life.

 **How was that? I've never really done this before so I hope it's ok. If you could review that would be cool, but this story just came to me while at work today so I was gonna write it either way. haha**


	2. Chapter 2

Hello lovelies as you might remember we left Clarissa after an awful night and a decision to call Dean. I want to thank readers for their support. This story is personal as it reflects some personal challenges I have had. So as we all know I clearly did not write supernatural, but I am using their characters for my own personal use :D

Dean's POV

6am

 _Warrants Cherry Pie plays obnoxiously loud_

"DEAN!" Sam yelled, throwing a pillow at me. "Wake the fuck up man."

I turned over with a grunt and grabbed my cell off the night stand.

"What do you want?! It's 6am" I snapped. On the other side I heard a sigh and then a timid voice

"Um, hi, this is Clarissa. You said I could call you if I needed help."

I sat up quickly and grabbed my pants. "Yeah, what can I do for you?" I replied.

"I was just wondering if you could come pick me up. Andy he…well…can you please just come get me?" she asked.

"Yes, I can come get you Clarissa, just uh, give me a second and I'll be right there." She thanked me and then I closed the phone.

"Up and atta'em Sammy boy we got ourselves a job." I said throwing the pillow back at Sam. We got dressed and climbed into the Impala.

*20 minutes later*

We pulled up to Clarissa's house to see a motorcycle parked out front and her sitting on the steps with a suit case and a back pack. She stood up as she saw us and limped towards us. I open the door and she yells

"can you please help me with my stuff I don't think I can lift it right now!"

I walk over to her and I see some bruising around her neck. She self-consciously adjusts her hoodie to try and hide it from me.

"Did he do this?" I ask softly.

"It doesn't matter, I just want to get out of here. Can we please go anywhere else, but here?" She replies.

I nod and take her stuff to the impala. I throw it in the back seat and we both climb back in.

"Let's hit the road!" I say.

"So" Sam starts "where are we going?"

she bites her lip and looks down at her lap. We both can see that she is uncomfortable.

"I don't have anywhere to go" she and I exchange a glance. "You know what? Never mind, I can just get back out. We can pretend this whole thing never happened. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't just leave him we have been together for so long and I owe him so much." She rambled on.

"No, no, no Clarissa. It's fine. We are leaving and to be totally honest, based on the bruises on your neck I really don't think you owe that man anything." Sam said using his gentle you are too good for any of this chick flick voice. She looked up at him with such intense eyes

"I do not need your pity." She spat at Sam. Then she slumped back in her seat. I looked at Sam and said "Alright with all of that settled let's get on with this."

Clarissa's POV

This car ride is so silent. I can't believe I snapped at him. I just, I could feel the pity in his voice. I could feel it filling my soul. I don't want his pity and I certainly don't need it. So what if I got strangled a bit, much worse has happened. This is nothing, I am a tough girl and I don't need him to feel sad for me. I get looks all around town. Everyone knows what is going on between Andy and me. We all just keep quiet about it. I looked up and my eyes met Sam's.

"I'm sorry for how I snapped. I shouldn't have done that, you guys are just trying to help." There I broke the silence.

"Clarissa it's fine, we both know that you are stressed. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. It's been a really long day, why don't we just go grab some food and stop at a motel for the night?"

I smiled up at him, "that sounds great, thank you Sam I'd really like that."

We pulled up to a McDonalds drive thru and they turned and asked what I want. "I just want a diet coke"

Dean looked back and me with concern, but didn't mention it. After they got their food and I started sucking down my soda we pulled up to a motel. Dean got out and checked us in. We went into our motel room and there was just one bed.

"Sorry guys, this is all they had available, Clarissa you will of course take the bed." He said looking at me.

"No Dean, I really can't. Please let me take the floor, I just don't sleep well on beds"

He stared at me with his mouth open. Crap, who makes a comment like that? Who sleeps better on a fucking floor, than on the bed?

"Yeah, Clarissa, that is not gonna happen. Take the bed I strongly insist."

I gave up "Of course I will take the bed."

I plopped down and just watched them. I don't actually know anything about them I realized. He stole Andy's identity so that clearly can't be a good sign, but I just get a good vibe from them. How much can I really trust that though? Andy gave me a good vibe and clearly that didn't pan out so well for me.

"You ok?" Sam said disrupting my thoughts.

"Um, yeah" I replied. "I just realized that I don't know anything about you, you steal identities and so I don't even know what I am getting myself into" They looked at each other and then back at me.

"Well" dean started "you see, we uh. Our lives, they are. UM Sammy you got this one" Dean stammered out. "Yeah, so Clarissa. Here is the deal our brother and I grew up on the road with our dad, who we are currently looking for. We mostly just travel around the country helping people and saving lives. We'll get into it the longer you're here. Your turn, tell us your story." He finished.

"Well, um I have been dating Andy for the past eight years. Andy co owns that bar with his friend John. John mostly runs it and Andy just bartends. He, well, he is a very complicated man. I grew up in foster care so I just bounced around until I got out of the system at 18. Then I met Andy and we just fit together. But that is all you are getting out of me, now if you guys don't mind I am going to go take a shower." I said standing up.

I grabbed my bag and I walked in the restroom. I locked the door and took off my clothes. The bruise on my stomach looked disgusting and my cuts from yesterday were angry. I stepped into the shower and just turned the water on. Letting the hot water wash away everything I just sat down and cried.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello readers! I hope you guys had a lovely Easter. I know I particularly enjoyed spending tons of time with my insane family (please note the sarcasm if you will) Now the holiday is over I can get back to this! YAY you all know I don't own anything so here we go ;)**

Clarissa POV

I don't know how long I have actually been in this shower, but the water is turning cold and there are several new cuts on my body. I hope they never have to find out about this. They already look at me like some charity case, it probably wouldn't take long til they just decided to dump me. They probably want to get in here, but I just need some time. I do feel better now, I don't know what exactly is going to happen next, but I do feel a little less stressed. I reached to turn the water off, grabbed my towel and changed into my pajamas. I walked out of the bathroom to see only Sam was around.

"Where's dean?" I asked Sam.

"He just went out to a bar to blow off some steam, don't worry about him, he'll be back." Sam replied.

He stood up, grabbing some clothes and walked towards the bathroom."I'm going to hop into the shower before Dean gets back, if you need anything let me know." He said before closing the door.

I grabbed some pillows and a blanket and sat down on the floor leaning against the wall. I just turned on the tv, found some random game show channel and just laid down. I was way more exhausted than I had realized and before I knew it I was asleep.

Sam POV

I came out of the bathroom and went to go put my bag away. The TV was on and I saw Clarissa just sleeping on the floor with a blanket and some pillows. Wow she really does like sleeping on the floor. That is so strange. I probably shouldn't move her, who knows what has happened I doubt she would be comfortable with some guy she barely knows holding her. I sat down in the chair and opened my laptop to study this next case. There were some disappearances on some hiking trail at Black Water Ridge in Colorado. Dad's journal suggest that it could be a Wendigo. Dean and I were going to head out tomorrow to check it out. I hated this, we were supposed to be looking for dad, but now we're just chasing cases. Plus now we have Clarissa with us, I'm glad she is out of that situation, but now she is with us. What are we supposed to do? Can we even keep doing cases while she is with us? We wouldn't be much greater than her stupid boyfriend if did that, she'd be in so much danger. She has no one though. We can't just possibly drop her off somewhere. It wouldn't feel right, I started thinking about Jess and how awful I felt. I saw the fire, I knew this was going to happen to her, but I said nothing. It's my fault she is dead. If I had just said something, god just picking up the phone and calling Dean. He probably wouldn't have believed me, brushing it off as a simple nightmare, but it felt real. I looked over at Clarissa and I knew that I could never let anything hurt her. Maybe she could stay us with, not go out on cases, but just stay at the motel room. We'd have to explain eventually, but right now we could just say that we were private investigators. We could also go with bounty hunters. In a way we were like that. She'd start asking questions soon. She'd want to know how we make money, why we go by different names in different areas. Why Dean happened to steal her boyfriend's identity. I knew she would want to ask us these questions and we could only avoid it for so long before she got angry. Just then Dean opened the door walking in smelling like booze. Ugh isn't he at all considerate this girl just ran away from her abusive Bartender ex. He probably smelled like booze all the time, we shouldn't make her scared of us.

"Hey Sammy, where's Clarissa?" He asked. I just pointed to the ground where she fell asleep.

"Why is she on the floor?" He looked at me questioningly.

I shrugged my shoulders "She was there asleep when I got out of the shower, I don't know how comfortable she'd be with a random guy trying to move her. Maybe we should talk about this while she is asleep."

He looked up at me when I said that and nodded. He knew that his situation was a lot more complicated and that he honestly hadn't thought it through. He wanted to help her, which is great, but now we have no idea what we're going to do.

"Dean…" I started "Can we keep her on the road with us? It won't take long for her to start asking questions and we know she can keep a secret, but she'll be in serious danger. Not to mention the fact that we have to still find dad and you know what he'll say if he finds us with some girl, he'll flip out."

Dean thought for a second, sobering up quickly "I know that Sammy, but we couldn't just leave her there! God she was his tool, he got her to try and have sex with me as a distraction. If he's doing that you know he doing way worse. Who knows how many times he made her do that and god not everyone is gonna say no." He wiped his hand down his face, I can't remember Dean ever looking so tired. This job wore on him, but nothing got him quite like a damsel in distress. This woman has been through some serious shit. We just looked at each other and back at the sleeping were we going to do?

I broke the silence "We can let her stay with us for a while and she can decide for herself if she wants to stay longer of if she wants to go somewhere else. We can find her a new identity so she'll be safe." Dean nodded, yes that seemed like the only idea that would work.

Clarissa POV

I woke up to the sound of typing, it was still just Sam and I and I really did not feel like talking anymore. I could tell that between the two brothers he would definitely be the one that would try to push the emotional/ psychological thing. Like he was some kind of shrink, like he could at all help me with what I had gone through. It's a nice gesture, but I'm dealing just fine. I survived while it was happening, I can certainly survive now. The door opened and Dean walked in. He smelled like booze, it's a scent that I am well familiar with at this point. I wonder if he goes out and gets drunk like this every night. I know what alcohol does to people, I certainly do not need to be around that long term. They started talking about finding their dad. Where was he? Obviously, far out of reach. I wonder what kind of questions they were expecting me to ask. Probably about the stolen identity. You don't do that kind of shit unless you are trouble. I didn't really think this through when I called him, begging him to pick me up. I just knew that I had enough. I don't have anywhere to go, I didn't have a family, I didn't have any friends, and I certainly could not go back to Andy now he'd kill me. I knew they and I bet they knew that too. I heard dean mention the sex thing, yes that was awful. It could be worse though. I've tried to say no before and that just led to getting my ass kicked, it was better to just go along with it. It wasn't so bad after a while, you get used to it. You get used to different guys touching you and filling you. I had gotten to a point where I could just black out while it was happening. I was a mess later, but I did what I had to, to survive. They'll ask me about that eventually. They finally decided to let me decide. Hmmm I don't often get a say in what happens to me. That'll definitely be a change of pace that I will welcome with open arms. I could see myself staying with them. I'm sure they were trouble, but I feel so safe here. I don't know how to describe it and I really don't know why I feel that way, but I do. I feel safe with these guys. Like maybe I could actually be semi normal. It's a little Thelma and Louise for my taste, but what the heck right? Nothing that they do or drag me into can be worse than what I just dragged myself out of. I've done the hard part. I heard Dean going into the bathroom and Sam plopping down onto the bed I could feel his eyes on me and I did a dramatic sigh and sat up trying to make it look like I had just woken up.

"Is Dean back yet" I asked mid fake yawn.

"Yes, he is the one in the shower, do you want the bed now or were you serious about the sleeping on the floor comment."

I blushed and looked up at him "I am comfortable on the floor, thanks though."

He looked at me with this weird look and I knew why. The floor thing was weird. I never had a bed when I went into the system. Families kept me on the floor and I guess I just got used to it, beds feel too soft now. I can never get comfortable. Sam speaking took me out of my thoughts

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked.

"I was just asking if you were hungry, you didn't really eat earlier and I figured you must be tired. It's a little after 1 am." I wasn't hungry, I didn't like eating and I especially didn't do it when I was stressed.

"I'm ok, I actually kind of feel like going on a run, it helps me relax. Would that be ok?"

He looked at me with a crazy look "Didn't you just shower" he pointed out.

I guess technically I did, but it was mostly a fake shower to get away from them for a bit.

"Ya, I did, but I can always take another one. Perks of staying at motels is that the water is free right?" I said,

he laughed "ya, you don't have to ask permission to do anything Clarissa. We're all adults. I'll go with you if that's ok? I just don't want you to be out at 1am by yourself. It's not the safest of areas."

Ugh of course he would insist on going. "Sure" I threw on a fake smile. "Let's go together, I can't really change in the bathroom, would you mind just turning around so I can change." He turned around and I threw on my running gear as fast as possible, I turned around and saw that he was almost done changing except for his shirt. He was still shirtless. My face turned red as I scanned his torso. He has scars I noticed and my god look at his shoulders and his arms. Does he work out every day, maybe I don't want to run with him, I will never be able to keep up.

"Hello?Earth to Clarissa!" He said shaking me out of my blatant staring,

"I uhh ummm…sorry" I mumbled.

He let out a loud laugh "It's fine, are you ready to hit the pavement?"

Finally something to look forward to "You bet!"

He knocked on the door letting Dean know that we were going out and we left. The second I started running I felt better. I could feel the tension falling off, I could feel the world fall away and it was just me. I kept running and running. Sam was right there keeping up. He's in great shape, god I can't believe he caught me staring at him. That is so mortifying. I snapped back into focus and just kept running. I felt the eventual lag and slowed my pace to a walk. I don't think he had noticed because he kept going. A block or two later he looked over and realized that I was now just sitting on the side walk not following him anymore. He turned around and jogged back to me.

"Sorry" I said, "I guess I'm more tired than I thought. You can keep going and I can just jog back to the motel." He reached out his hand and pulled me up.

"We can just walk back to the motel that felt great. Dean never goes running, I used to go with my girlfriend, but ya. That doesn't happen anymore."

He looked so sad saying that, did they just break up? What happened?

"Tough break up?" I pressed a bit. He looked down

"She died a couple weeks ago, I'm still processing a little bit."

Crap I brought up a dead girlfriend. What a jerk!

"I'm really sorry Sam I had no idea, I wouldn't have said anything if I knew."

He nodded."It's ok Clarissa, you had no idea. We have a lot to learn about each other. Let's get back to the motel and actually try to catch a few Zzz's before Dean falls asleep. He snores like a chain saw, trust me if he falls asleep before us we won't fall asleep at all."

I knew he didn't want to talk about it. "I'll race ya!" I said with a smirk and then I took off. We raced back to the motel he kicked my ass, but it was fun. We walked in both out of breath and Dean just looked at us like we were crazy.

"Seriously, another one of you. God what is wrong with you. It's like 3 am, who exercises at 3am!"

I went to the bathroom to change and I came back out and saw Dean and Sam laying on the floor.

"Sorry sista, you have to take the bed, not buts. End of discussion." Dean said. I flopped on the bed stared at the ceiling. Maybe this would be a start of a whole new adventure. I thought to myself as I drifted off.

 **K what did you think? Reviews would be greatly appreciated :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**I have some followers! Haha only a few, but still that makes me feel better! Knowing that there are at least a few people who care if another chapter comes out. The majority of it is gonna be Clarissa POV probably from now on. We'll still hear from Dean and Sam, but as a girl telling parts of my story I can really only identify with Clarissa. So sorry if that bugs you guys. Enjoy :D**

Clarissa pov

I fell asleep and when I opened my eyes again there was Andy. He was standing above me, he gently held out his hand and I grabbed onto it. He pulled me into him and kissed me passionately. I missed him when he was like this, it reminded me of when we first started dating. Like we just fit together. He reached down to his pocket and pulled out a pill. No no no, not the fucking pills. They make me drowsy and I feel out of control. He looks at me as I start to protest just putting a finger to his lips, he puts the pill in his mouth and then starts kissing me again. His tongue begging for entrance and I let him in he passes the pill to my mouth and I swallow it. He pulls away and gestures me to the bed.

"How about we get you warmed up before the main event" he says suggestively.

I can feel the heat of his mouth all over my body as he removes my clothes. Once I'm naked he slips himself in, I wince at the pain. He's pumping in and out of me and I feel myself start to drift away. I guess it's nice to not have to be here for a bit. My body starts tightening as I can feel my climax get closer. He knows I'm on the edge and then he flips me over and fucks me from behind. Once I am done I feel so weak. He leans down and kisses the back of my head as I lay down. This isn't so bad. He stands up and I can hear him putting his clothes back on.

"You stay there baby, I'll be right back."

I hear talking in the other room and I know what is coming. This is how he does it. I flip over and see our local officer standing in front of me. He is 45 and married. He isn't unattractive, but not a choice I'd ever make. Andy looks at me

"Make sure to treat the nice officer to a good time, got Clarissa"

I smile and nod. He turns around and shuts the door. I can tell that the officer is nervous. He's never been a customer, but Andy had accidently served some underage girls at the bar and the cop said that he'd forget about it for the right price. He has never been a customer, but he knew the rumors. I sit up and he starts undressing himself clumsily. I'm too weak to hold myself up for long and lay back down feeling dizzy. He crawls on top of me and I start kissing his neck. I go down his jaw and meet his lips. I feel his hard on against my thigh and push out a fake moan. His hands reach down around my throat and he is choking me, oh my god he is fucking choking me as he starts pumping into me. I start squirming and trying to pull his hands off my neck. Then he is shaking me hard.

"Clarissa! Wake up Clarissa!"

I am jolted back into reality by Sam shaking me. I cringe and move away from him.

"Don't touch me, don't ever fucking touch me" I say as fiercely as I can. Trying to stop myself from crying. I will not cry in front of either of them. Sam backs up and mumbles out an apology with his hands in the air. I can't breathe and I need to get out of here. I quickly get out of bed, grabbing a jacket on my way out the door.

Once I am outside I feel better almost instantly I go to the back of the car and I just sit down in the parking lot. I let myself go and just start sobbing. How could I possibly handle this? What the fuck was I thinking? I hear the door open and I try to stop crying, but I can't. Sam sits down a few feet from me. He just looks at me like I'm the most pathetic piece of shit he has ever seen. God I am such a fool! I stare at him with tears streaming down my face

"What do you want?" I try to ask with some dignity.

He just gives me that stare and clears his throat "I just wanted to see if you were ok."

I nod "I'm fine, I just couldn't breathe. I um sometimes have nightmares and get really freaked out sometimes."

He scoots closer to me and starts to reach his hand out "Sam, please don't touch me, I just can't stand when people touch me."

I can see that he understands me as he puts his hand down. "How about you go change and we grab some breakfast? It's only 8 am which is way earlier than either of us planned on waking up." He says with a teasing laugh.

"I'd like that" I get up and go back into the room avoiding Dean's eyes as he tries to make eye contact with me. I grab my bag and head into the bathroom.

Dean Pov:

Clarissa just closed the door and Sam looks at me.

"We can't keep doing this, I think we should take a break from hunting and do some research on where dad might be. We could go to Bobby's. I just think that we should maybe take care of Clarissa for a bit." Sam nods and I know he agrees with me.

"I'll um step outside and give Bobby a call." I say as I walk out the door with my cell. I lean against the wall and run my hand down my face. It sounded like she was being tortured. I don't want to be inside of her mind, there was so much pain there. We can't drop her off anywhere and we can't be hunting right now. I opened my phone and called Bobby.

 _Hello_

Hey bobby, it's Dean. I was just wondering if Sam and I could come crash for a bit? We just want to take a step back from hunting for a minute. I can fill you in more when we get there.

 _Uh sure dean. Is everything okay with you guys? I don't wanna see your dad, but you and Sam are always welcome here. You know that._

We're fine bobby, we just have a lot on our plates, it's a lot to talk about and I'd rather not do that over the phone.

 _Okay then I'll see ya when you get here._

Alright it'll be a few days. Thanks bobby

 _Bye kid_

I closed the phone. I am grateful for Bobby's friendship to us. He's always taken care of us when we stopped by, maybe he can help Clarissa in some way. I walked into the motel room. I clapped my hands.

"Alright you guys let's hit the road. You guys pack your bags, we're going to our friend's place, and he's a great guy." I said looking at Clarissa. She looked frightened for a second, but then composed herself.

"Sounds great" She said with the fakest smile I've ever seen in my life.

We loaded everything into the impala and got in. I turned on the tunes and drove to a diner just outside of town. We ordered a ton of food and Clarissa got a cup of coffee. God does she even eat, she is on the thinner side, we'll just try to encourage her to eat some of our food. I push my plate of eggs in front of her as I dig into our pancakes. She plays with them for a bit, but eventually she takes a couple of bites.

"Thanks Dean I really appreciate this, I was fine with coffee though"

I shrugged her off. "Clarissa it's no big deal, I swear."

As we finish eating the mighty fine waitress comes back with the check leaving her number on it. I grab my wallet and put some cash on the table as I put the check into my jacket.

"Thanks doll" I say as I stand up and lightly touch her shoulder.

We go out to the Impala and start driving to Bobby's. The car ride is tense and quiet. I can tell Clarissa is over the talking thing. Poor Sam he must be dying without his chick flick moment. I admired Clarissa. She took everything so stoically. She is a fierce kind of strong. Putting on a brave face, I can definitely say that in a way I understand her. The pushing everything down thing. It's my daily gig. We all know she has been through a lot and I know eventually she'll break down completely, but right now it seems like she's dealing with only minor slips.

Clarissa POV

The Car is so quiet, I want to break the silence, but I can't. I just can't talk about anything. I feel like I am going to explode. I have a major headache and I knew I needed to cut myself. I needed release some of the tension. Andy knew I cut, he often used it against me, but he never actually cared. I just know these guys would care. I'm already weak. I know I should stop I tell myself that all the time. I can't do it though. I lean my head against the window and just stare. Of course it's raining, that makes sense. I feel like such a downer. God I'd kick me out of the road trip too. I could make it up to them somehow. I know Dean thinks I'm attractive. I could put my part in. They're being so nice, I know he'd be good at the sex part. He wouldn't hurt me. I know that. They're letting me stay with them, they buy me food, and this is what I can do. I can earn my keep. No issue. I lean up against the front seat

"Hey dean, can we maybe go shopping at the mall or something, I don't really have a whole lot of clothes."

He looks back at me "Um sure Clarissa we can stop by the mall in the next town and pick some stuff up before we get to Bobby's place."

Yes I knew he'd let me. Once we get to the mall he hands me a card "buy whatever you need Clarissa, we'll go hang out in the food court"

I walk around and find a Victoria secret. This is perfect. I walk in and go to the clearance finding a cute corset and underwear set. This would work, it's a little season specific, but that's ok. Who doesn't like spring right? I go and try it on. I must admit I look cute. It hides the bruise and most of the cuts, I just can't let him take it off. I change back and grab some underwear and bras. Leaving the store I stop by old navy and grab a few pair of jeans and some shirts. I hide the Victoria secret purchases in my old navy bag so that he doesn't know, dumping the cute pink bag and tissue paper in the trash. I meet them back at the food court.

"Sorry, it took me so long"

They both stood up "It's fine, really. That was faster than most girls would take."

We headed back on the road and I felt so clever! This was brilliant. Wait until Dean sees this, he is gonna go crazy! I can just feel the crazy intensity already! I fell asleep thinking of my plan and passed out for hours. When I woke up next we were stopping outside a house.

"Well good morning sunshine" Sam said cheerfully.

"Ugh how long have I been out"

Sam laughed at my grumpy attitude. "You've been out for like 12 hours, I was almost concerned, but we figured you could use the sleep. We were going to stay the night at a motel so you could get some sleep, but then we realized you had no issue sleeping in the car" He said while laughing again.

I climbed out of the car, tying my hair up in a bun and wiping my eyes. Ugh I am so exhausted how have I been asleep for so long. I feel so stiff. I look at the door and there stands an average height man with a scruffy beard and a baseball cap. He's looking at me with a real peculiar look. I tried to suppress my bubbling fear. Sam and Dean would never do what Andy did. They're not the same person. OK breathe Clarissa, breathe.

"Hey bobby, this is Clarissa, we helped her out. This is why we are taking a small break from the Private investigator business" Dean said introducing me. I stepped forwards and reached out my hand to shake his hand.

"it's a pleasure to meet you." I said with a shaky voice.

What did he mean that he was taking a break because of me? Now I definitely have to do this. I can't believe they are putting their whole lives on pause for me. That's so nice. We all went inside the house and I see beer bottles around. So he's a big drinker. I don't think he'll hurt me, ugh I can't stand being around alcohol. Experience tells me that most people use it to justify their shitty behavior. They show me to my room and I'm glad that we seem to all have different rooms that will make this plan a lot easier. I didn't even consider Sam and Dean sharing a room. Thank goodness. They left me to it and I noted which room Dean threw his bag in. I grabbed my bag of toiletries. Time to take a shower, gotta do some shaving. Get myself cleaned up. I forgot to buy body wash I guess I'll smell like a guy, so sexy right? I laughed to myself. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to my room. How am I so tired, I slept for so long I'll take a nap, it's not too late in the day they'll probably stay up for a few more hours. It wasn't long before I felt myself drift off to sleep.

 **OK I know the seducing Dean thing seems strange considering what has happened, but I was very similar. After what I had been through anytime a guy was nice to me I felt obligated to sleep with them. Like it was the only way I could truly pay them back. SO I promise that is not a completely unfounded thing. The next chapter will have some smut, so if you don't like it, then I guess skip it?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay you guys here we go! Sexy times so if you don't like it then this is not your chapter to read, although very experienced in sex, I've never written any kind of smut so there is that haha**

Clarissa POV

I woke up around 11pm they should be in their rooms by now, maybe even asleep. I'm guessing that Dean is going to need some convincing before I just jump him. I put myself together. I threw on my corset and my panties. God I look hot, this is why Andy was able to charge such a good amount. He might notice my scars and newer cuts, but I'm banking on his light being off and him being too preoccupied to notice those. I put on the robe that I bought. Just in case I shouldn't walk around dripping of sex if everyone is awake. God that'd be awful. I cracked open my door and listened. Ah the sound of chainsaws. So beautiful I laughed to myself. I slipped out of my room and opened the door to Dean's room. God how does someone look so good even while sleeping. When I sleep I look like a hobo. He manages to look like a supermodel. I dropped the robe to the ground and I crawled onto the bed. He's lying on his side in just a pair of sweatpants. I started kissing his shoulder while pulling him off his side to lay on his back and kissing down his chest, he moaned softly in his sleep and once I got down to his sweat pants I felt his hands on me. I pulled myself up to his ear and whispered

"Good morning Dean" as I started nibbling on his ear.

He moaned softly as I attacked his neck. "Oh good morning to you too, what are you doing in here?"

"God Dean I wanted you the first moment I saw you. Don't worry this is exactly what I want"

I went back down to his sweat pants and pulled them down. "Well what do we have here? Good job Dean, this is something to be proud of." I kissed down his trail and sucked right below his hip bone. I love hearing men moan that is such a turn on. I took his sack into my mouth. Gently sucking while my hand moved up and down his shaft.

"Oh god Clarissa, that feels amazing" I sat up, letting him fully take in what I was wearing

"ah Dean I am not god, but I can completely understand the confusion" I winked and then took him into my mouth. He grabbed onto my hair and pushed into my mouth. I relaxed my throat as he continued to fuck my face while my hands played with his balls. When I felt he was close to his release I took my mouth off.

"No way Dean, we're not ending this party before I get to feel you inside of me."

He flipped me over so I was underneath him. "Oh we're just getting started, believe me, has anyone told you how fucking beautiful you are?"

I laughed at him "Oh shut up Dean"

He smirked at me and then removed my panties. I bucked my hips up, needing the friction. He put his fingers inside of me as I slid my fingers down to my clit.

"Not happening babe, I got it from here."

I could feel his breath against my wet pussy and I needed him to give me something

"Come on Dean, don't tease a girl"

He slowly ran his tongue up my slit and a shiver ran up my spine. I moaned as my hand found its way into his hair keeping his hair there as his tongue went in and out of my pussy. I could feel myself core tightening, fuck I can't enjoy this so much. Andy would kill me if he knew I was having this good of a time with a guy he tried to get me to sleep with. With that thought in mind I pulled him up and kissed him with full force

"I just needed to know what I tasted like on your lips."

He chuckled and aligned himself with my hole and eased into my vagina. My legs wrapped around his waist and my nails dug at his back. He started pumping in and out of me and I couldn't control myself, this felt too good. I didn't know what I was saying, but I know it involved a lot of moans and fuck me Deans. He didn't take too long to put his hand over my mouth.

"You're gonna wake up the whole house, shhhh" He whispered.

I had somehow forgotten about everyone else. He flipped me over and started pounding me from behind. I stuffed the pillow into my mouth to stop myself from moaning as I came hard. I could feel him pull out and a liquid running on my back. I forgot a condom, damn I knew I forgot something. Andy makes me get checked, but he better be clean. Dean landed next to me on the bed.

"Oh my god, that was amazing thank you" I said in a breathy voice

I started getting up from the bed. My legs wobbled as I tried to locate my panties.

"Hey where did you throw my panties?" I asked looking up at him for the first time.

His face held a look of confusion and hurt that I was not used to seeing.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I was just gonna go back to my room so you could go back to sleep sir"

My hand flew to mouth. Fuck, did he notice that, stupid fucking reflexes. He stood up off the bed and pulled on his sweatpants. The panic started and I was backing up to the wall. He put his hands up as he walked towards me.

"Hey, Clarissa it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

Ugh this is so pathetic. "I'm sorry" I mumbled out "I guess it's just reflex. Can I please go back to my room now?" I asked.

He looked around and grabbed my panties. "Here of course you can go back to your room, I'm sorry if I scared you." He said looking down.

Fuck now I hurt his feelings. I put my panties on and my robe. I walked over to him and stood on my tip toes as I kissed him.

"I'm sorry, that I hurt your feelings, it's not about you. I just don't sleep well with others right next to me, good night dean" I said turning around and leaving his room. I opened the door to my room and closed it behind me. I sat on the floor and just started sobbing. God this was such a mistake what was I thinking? I changed back into my pajamas and just laid on the bed. There was no way I was sleeping anymore.

The next morning

I looked at the clock. Okay so it's 5 am. No one else will be awake, but I could cook breakfast. I grabbed my Mp3 player and went downstairs. Music started to fill my ears as I checked the fridge and cabinets for ingredients. I started dancing around the kitchen singing to myself as I cooked the food. I turned around and stumbled as I saw Dean just smirking at me.

"OH uh good morning, did you sleep well?"

He chuckled and grabbed a plate of the food off the counter leaning close into my body

"I haven't slept since someone came into my room and considering that it's now 6 am I'm guessing that you also have not slept."

I coughed and turned around. I plated the rest of the food and popped the plates into the microwave to keep them warm until Sam and Bobby woke up. I sat down with my plate and the table and looked up at Dean.

"Shit I'm guessing you want to talk about it?"

He looked up from his plate "Well ya Clarissa, you came into my room and had amazing sex with me in the middle of the night. What as that about?"

ugh of course, I did not really think this plan through. "I guess you just have been so nice to me I wanted to make sure you knew how grateful I was"

His face turned into a scary expression. Why would he be angry about that? I thought people liked to feel appreciated.

"Clarissa" He said in a very serious tone "I want you to listen to me, you do not owe me sex. I am helping you because you needed help, not for some kind of reward. You never have to do that again."

Oh god, it wasn't good. He didn't enjoy himself. Why would he not want me to do that again?

"I can be better next time, I'm sorry you didn't have a good time sir"

What the fuck is with the sirs, why do I keep calling him that?

"Please stop calling me sir, I'm not your master and believe me I enjoyed myself. That was fucking amazing, you're fucking amazing."

I thought for a second "Dean I don't know what I'm doing. I do know why I did that, but you're not happy about the reason. I'm just putting in my part. You guys are being so nice and this is the only way I know how to contribute. If you don't want to do it again, we don't have to. I'm sorry for the confusion. It's just before when we first met, you seemed into it. I really thought you would like it to happen."

"Look at me, I guess on some level I did want it to happen, but you didn't do it because you wanted to, you did it because you thought I wanted you to. I appreciate it, I do. I just want you to do what you want. Oh and we have other stuff to talk about. Don't think I didn't notice those cuts on your hips and thighs. I want to take a look at them. After we clean you up we're going to talk about that as well"

I felt like I had just been splashed with a bucket of cold water. What the fuck, he didn't say anything about them last night. I shouldn't have assumed he didn't notice them. Ugh the last thing I want to do is talk about this.

"Let's go to your room and clean them up. Sam will eventually know, but right it's not a huge deal. I'm guessing you'd be more comfortable if less people knew about this?" He said with a knowing look.

"Ya that would be great, let's go."

 **Ok there it is! How was that? I felt a little awkward just writing it and I have to get major props to people who write this all the time because I felt like I kept repeating everything haha. HE did this, he did that. Blah blah blah. I gave it the old college try though!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Blah sorry it's been so long. I've been slammed at work and just had a lot of craziness going on. I do appreciate people following my story. Feel free to review or give constructive criticism, otherwise I just see in my little traffic chart how often people check out my story. Either way thanks for viewing :D On to the story.**

Clarissa POV

Shit, shit, shit, shit was all I could think. Dean noticed the cuts and not only that, but he is going to tell Sam at some point. The one thing that's been drilled into my mind is to please guys, but make it seem like I love them. That's it, that's all I have to do. I couldn't even manage that. Ugh I am so stupid, what is wrong with me?

"Hey Clarissa are you coming?" Dean asked turning around.

"uh, ya sorry right behind you" I muttered as I began to follow him.

We climb up the stairs and I can feel the tension. Once we get to his room he sits me down on his bed and pulls out a first aid kit.

"um…if you just want to, you know take off your bottoms…." Dean awkwardly said.

"Do I have to? It's not too late to pretend like you didn't see anything" I replied.

Dean glared at me "Yes, Clarissa, do you really want those to get infected, I've already seen you naked. Trust me, no judgement, god knows what I would have done had I been in that same situation."

I can feel the pity look and I hate it so much. "You know Dean, never mind I'll just clean these up myself. Sorry I ever fucking bothered you!" I yelled as I stormed off with his first aid kit into the bathroom. I shut the door and lean back exhaling as slowly as I can. I am not really sure why I yelled at him, I just am so over the pity. He won't let me have sex to repay him, they're stopping their stupid road trip bounty hunter whatever the fuck this is thing just to help me work on my own shit. I just need a break from the fucking pity. I survived, maybe my coping mechanisms aren't the healthiest, but I'm not hurting anyone. Just me and really I've dealt with worse.

Dean POV

What just happened? Why is she so freaked out about me seeing her naked, I saw her naked last night. She was all over me. I just want to help. I need to talk to Sam about this, but I just can't. He'll say I'm an idiot for sleeping with her and hey hindsight is 20/20, but she jumped me in my sleep. Who could possibly resist her? If she did the same thing to Sam I know for a fact, he'd buckle too. Maybe I should just talk to him, it's just Sam, and would she really care if Sam knew. I'll just tell him not to tell anyone. I go back downstairs and there he is wide awake at the table eating breakfast.

"Hey Sam, we need to talk about Clarissa." I whispered to him.

"Sure Dean, why are we whispering?" He whispered back.

"She is upstairs in the bathroom and this is a private conversation, let's go sit in the impala real quick." I replied while pointing upstairs.

Sam and I head out to the impala.

"Ok, what's up Dean" Sam said seriously.

"Please don't judge me, here, but I kind of slept with Clarissa…." I said

Sam's eyes went wide and his hand covered his mouth and then went to his jaw "You fucking didn't, God Dean, what is wrong with you? What you couldn't just go to the bar and find some hot chick to..."

"Hey, hey, hey" I cut him off "She snuck into my room, in the middle of the night and woke me up in lingerie. I'm only human Sam."

"You're serious? Well, have you talked to her?" He replied.

"I did talk to her and she did it because she felt like she owed us, she needed to contribute and she kept calling me sir. It was, believe me, really unsettling."

"Maybe she was in the middle of a flash back and just kind of wandered in there. I hope she is ok."

I looked down nervously…."That's the second thing I needed to talk to you about. Um she kind of cuts herself. I think she was hoping that I didn't notice because it was dark, but she definitely had cuts on her hips and thighs. She was also wearing lingerie which I did not completely remove so there could also be some cuts under there as well. Did we take on too much here, I mean with our own drama, plus all of this? How are we possibly going to help her, when we can't even help ourselves, not to mention we still haven't found our Father and who knows what he'll say about all of this."

Sam looked at me and nodded. "That's true, but we can't just abandon her Dean, she has no one else and she has no job I don't even know what we can do besides let her tag along with us. She's strong, we both know that she can get through this man." He finished while patting my leg and opening the door.

I nodded to myself and followed him back inside. We also have to tell Bobby at some point, but they barely know each other, we'll get to that part later. I noted that Clarissa was still in the bathroom. She's been up there a while. What if she's cutting herself? Do we take aware her razors? Search her stuff? How do you even begin to handle this kind of situation? We are so in over our heads here, I have no idea what we are going to do.

 **OK that's it for this chapter, I know it's short and that I suck at updating and keeping on top of it, I'm sorry about that. I do hope that you kind of enjoyed it. I'm not really 100% sure where I am going with this, but I guess we'll find out.**


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